Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Ex Resentment

I must be careful to not beat my "enemies" over the head with Tolle, because I believe doing so is succumbing to the very dysfunctional behavior he describes. At the same time, I seem unable to escape its application to the the life that plays out before my eyes. I try to temper it with the conscious realization that I myself am just beginning this deliberate journey of awakening and am more often than not rather dysfunctionally unconscious myself, or put another way, a dysfunctionally conscious victim of my own unconscious ego.

At any rate, tonight I sat down to read A New Earth and opened to a page where I had randomly placed a piece of mail—not where my bookmark is—and caught him speaking directly to the latest episode I wrote of yesterday.
Complaining is one of the ego's favorite strategies for strengthening itself.... Applying negative mental labels to people, either to their face or more commonly when you speak about them to others or even just think about them, is often part of this pattern. Name-calling is the crudest form of such labeling and of the ego's need to be right and triumph over others: "jerk, bastard, bitch"—all definitive pronouncements that you can't argue with....

Resentment is the emotion that goes with complaining and the mental labeling of people and adds even more energy to the ego.... The ego loves it. Instead of overlooking unconsciousness in others, you make it into their identity ['You are A BIG ASS!!!'].... Sometimes the "fault" that you perceive in another isn't even there. It is a total misinterpretation, a projection by a mind conditioned to see enemies and to make itself right or superior (61-62).
While in this instance, this description perfectly characterizes the behavior of my ex, I not much more than a week ago was engaging in the same. So again, I judge not, but rather work to not react:
Nonreaction to the ego in others is one of the most effective ways not only of going beyond ego in yourself but also of dissolving the collective human ego.... When you realize it's not personal, there is no longer a compulsion to react as if it were. By not reacting to the ego, you will often be able to bring out the sanity in others.... At times you may have to take practical steps to protect yourself from deeply unconscious people. Your greatest protection, however, is being conscious. Somebody becomes an enemy if you personalize the unconsciousness that is the ego. Nonreaction is not weakness but strength (62-63).
In truth, this latest explosive outburst from the ex didn't offend me. It surprised me, though. After all, she's the one who introduced me to Tolle, so I expected her to be conscious enough to receive my email without lasting offense. But I'm really not even sure she read it; I had her reply in just six minutes.

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